THINGS YOU OUGHT TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK:

(in no particular order)

• I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

• I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

• How about never? Is never good for you?

• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

• It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

• I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

• I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

• I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

• And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

• Do I look like a people person?

• This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

• I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

• If I throw a stick, will you leave?

• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

• How do I set a laser printer to stun?

• I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

• Oh I get it... like humor... but different.

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