A vote for me is a vote for family.  When I think of family, I think of a husband and a wife, two children--a boy and a girl--a dog. I see this family on weekends: Dad picking up his daughter for supervised visitation; Mom taking her son to his soccer game; the boy and girl playing video games while the dog circles and sniffs the living room carpet. Monday morning: Dad is off to work; Mom sees the kids off to school, then she too is off to work. After work, Dad or Mom picks up the kids from their self-esteem enriched after school program; the other picks up some fast food. After dinner a nice, quiet evening of family entertainment, like television. And freedom.

Vote for me.

A vote for me is a vote for diversity. When I think of diversity, I think of persons of all races, creeds, colors, and sexual preferences sitting around a fire place at Christmas time. I think of subsidized housing and Jesus. And freedom.

Vote for me.

A vote for me is a vote for security for our elderly. When I think of our elderly, I think of Social Security and the personal investment in the beautiful grounds of nursing homes, and the crisp swishing of gowns worn nurses and nurses' aides. I think of medication time and bingo and medically necessary treatment and equipment. And freedom.

Vote for me.

A vote for me is a vote for the right to carry a concealed weapon and the State's right to invoke the death penalty willy nilly. When I think of this, I think, not a low crime rate, but a "no crime" rate. I think of inquisitions, witch hunts, and random, medieval tortures. I think of a well-armed militia--indeed, two well-armed militia . . . as many well-armed militia as we can supply. I will establish The Department of the NRA who will act as the fourth branch of government on behalf of freedom.

Vote for me.

A vote for me is a vote for education. When I think of education, I think of thirty students, one teacher, and pencils all in one classroom. I think of teachers and students alike armed with concealed weapons and the dynamic interplay of critical thinking as each prepares for life after school and freedom. I think of prayer and God and how blessed we are to have a well-armed militia, easily mobilized, to protect us from the atheistic forces that threaten freedom. And democracy.

Vote for me.

A vote for me is a vote for jobs. When I think of jobs, I think of hamburgers and freedom fries, the young and the retired stocking shelves side by side. I think of the common worker diligently working to pay off our foreign debts so that we can protect our borders, fight terrorists around the globe, and promote democracy and freedom.

Vote for me.

A vote for me is a vote for the environment. When I think of the environment, I think of the final solution to wetlands and yucky marshes; I think of lumber floating down the Amazon river. I think of oil oozing onto the Alaskan tundra, freeing us from the grip of foreign oil.

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A vote for me is a vote for a sane foreign policy. When I think of a sane foreign policy, I think America is the only democracy on the planet and, as such, should rule the entire planet, and, therefore, it is necessary and right, by God and by the will of the people, to obliterate entire cultures with a heavily armed and mobilized citizenry and our most technologically advanced weapons--for the sake of democracy and freedom now and forever.

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Finally, a vote for me is a vote for decency in the Whitehouse. When I think of decency, I think of virgins everywhere--true role models for our children and our adults. People with an aversion to the tawdry relations that have destroyed our youth and their faith in government and the great hand that guides it. I think of abstinence across the world--a world now known as America. I think of the elimination of diseases, mixed races, genetic defects, wheelchairs, long leaves of absences from work. I think of a world of a healthy country wielding weapons, reducing health care costs, eliminating entire hospitals, embracing Jesus, fearing God, protecting freedom and advancing democracy.

Vote for me!

VOTE FOR ME

This ad sponsored in part by Saudi Arabia, the NRA, Exxon-Mobil Corporation, and the PMAC.

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