Well, it goes like this: Reagan declares National Ice Cream Day, I hate Reagan, I hate ice cream. I'm not saying I don't like the taste of ice cream, just the concept. You get it, right?

Oh sure, I get it . . . you hate America.

OK, you got me there! I hate American consumerism, American politics, and American economics. Other than that, it's an OK country. Just the concept!

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

Mr. Padjen:

I humbly recommend that "Super String Theory" be included in your list of accepted yeetle worthy concepts.

Thank you for your consideration.

Jim

So it shall be written, so it shall be done.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

Nomination:  Stephen Hawking
comments:  Stephen Hawking is one of the smartest men of the 20th century.   There is no way you can keep him off this list.

Actually, there is a way I can keep him off the list. But there's neither here nor there...and more there than here. Intelligence is not a consideration for Yeetle Worthiness. Mr. Hawkins uses a lot of numbers: that bothers me. I don't think so.

Brian Padjen

The Yeetle Box

Hmmmm....that's an interesting argument for Mata Hari, but I don't know if it is an argument to replace Sherlock. We'll think about it.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

It is a very Yeetle worthy thing.  I know you know it, and I know I know it, I think...so you must give the totem poles their proper respect or your Yeetle list will not be complete...or something.

In the beginning, there were totem poles...and nachos, but nothing else...and then there was dip for the nachos, and the world was at peace, and stuff...so totem poles are very Yeetle things as you can see.

At first I thought, "Totem poles?" Then I thought, "Totem Poles!" You make a succinct argument for Totem Poles; hence, Totem Poles is added as Yeetle Worthy.  Thank you.

Brian Padjen

The Yeetle Box

The Scavenger Hunt has, is, and will be a staple of all societies.  Excellent nomination.  Thank you. In fact, I'm organizing one at this moment if you had not noticed.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

place:      Stonehege
recipient:  bpadjen@ameritech.net
comments:  none
Request:  Yep!

OK...I suppose there always has, and always will be a bunch of rocks over which a bunch of people will pontificate their significance.  However, by no means is the a stepping stone to The Wailing Wall.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

When the moon hits your eye like a big-a pizza pie, that's amore. Sounds convincing enough.

Uh...I think you're thinking of Betsy Ross.  Susan B. Anthony: sufragettes, women's right to vote--minor things like that. Susan stays. Helen is added cuz I think you're right about her.

Well, you see, the secrets of life already exist in the Yeetle Box, therefore, cannot be added as part of the gathering of persons, places, things, or concepts into the Yeetle Box. You possess remarkable Yeetle intuitiveness, Cara.

I am always amazed that we miss the most simple of things. (Note: things!) String is string. So simple, yet not given the proper consideration or appreciation. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

By your comment, I assume you are NOT referring to a guy named Harley, nor the local tavern in Highbridge, Wisconsin.

Jesus Sanchez, for those who don't know, is a pitcher for the Florida Marlins.  If you don't know you the Florida Marlins are, you probably wouldn't have much interest in baseball.  The game of baseball is very existential, but Jesus is a baseball player; thus, while a good pitcher, he does not pass the timelessness test.

I believe you mean "woman combing her hair"....right?  Or, "waman cambing har hare"...the second is less well know, but was an early effort of Archipenko's.

How could I have forgotten Bucky?  Excellent nominaton. Thank you!

I like Melville; I really do. And you're right about the popular Tooth Fairy myth. So I'll keep the Tooth Fair and include Melville because the two would make great companions I think.

Well, ya convinced me, Pilgrim. Not!

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

Dear Mr. Padjen,

I'm writing to you because you are using Luminarium's Donne image without permission or attribution. Please either remove the said image

http://www.ameritech.net/users/bpadjen/donne.jpg or add an attribution and link to the Luminarium on your page at http://www.ameritech.net/users/bpadjen/quotes.htm

Cordially,
Anniina Jokinen
http://www.luminarium.org/

These Luminaries have a real sense of humor.

Brian Padjen

The Yeetle Box

I think there was, is, and will be a need for a David Blaine. Thank you for your nomination. I kinda like neon scarves, though.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

....and it is a half-rhyme of llama!

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

comments: It feels like liquid silk and it makes your skin feel wonderful. Very healing and soft. And the French government is confiscating hemp products. And the US govt won't let us grow it. Very out of the box.

I am glad that someone else shares my disdain for the expression "thinking outside the box". Anyone who ever uttered that expression never had an original thought in their lifetime...

Also, I believe Saddam Hussein is stockpiling hemp oil as part of his "weapons of mass destruction" campaign.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

In what box he belongs, I don't know. But he belongs in a box. In the Yeetle Box he cohabitates with Yeetle worthy people who will know which box to put him in.

I must admit your argument is very compelling.  However, I doubt Mr. Hyde would receive much attention within the Yeetle Box, and would probably go unnoticed. Sorry.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

I feel Mr. Green Jeans should be nominated and confirmed as Yeetle worthy due to the fact that He had the balls to #1, wear green colored jeans and #2, go on national television in black and white and call your self Mr. Green Jeans. What a mind trip that was as a young man growing up in the 50's-60's. Mr. Green jeans replaces acid as a means to get hight! Go green Jeans!

Green Jeans Fan,

Certainly, he was, and is, out of the box. I list him lest he be forgotten.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

1. I love SPAM.
2. I am a tremendous supporter of Martina Navratilova's groundbreaking research in the fields of waste management and velocity.
3. I was Teliza's dishrag in a former life.
4. Swedish penis enlarging pumps? That's not my bag, baby!
5. I know where you live.
6. There is no reason number six.

Before I would ask to placed on the YW Persons list, I must beg you to remove Mariah Carey from the pending nominations list and fill the spacw with my name. I have better legs than Mariah Carey and a soul as well. Mariah Carey was created in a lab in New Mexico and will attempt a violent coup of the Yettle Box leaving you all in a bloody heap of teeth and guts. Beware her power.
Request: Yep!

Eric,

Ms. Carey has been under surveillance for the past 6 months due to anti-Yeetle acts. You have listed very notable reasons for your worthiness--certainly more compelling than Ms. Carey listed which were her singing ability. Ugh! Don't need that sirenic velocity floating around in our collective psyche.

So it shall be written; so it shall be done.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

I must say I am a true fan of the Yeetle Box. I particularly enjoyed your column on negative numbers. My own personal quest for answers on the topic led me to "Bumpy's Theorem," which states that the sum of the imaginary numbers floating around in Mariah Carey's empty head is equal to zero. When this is divided by the quotient x-xy(o.p.p.)*(wkrp/bbc) you will find that there is indeed no answer to the question "What is for dinner?" which was the last thing ever uttered by Elvis Presley before he expired, most regally, on the throne. He was, after all, the king. Of what I'm not quite sure, but I think I read it somewhere once. And to continue on the topic of exotic birds, I must admit I really know little about the subject and would really appreciate it if you would stop asking. To answer your other queries, I am over six feet tall and quite fond of Brie. Speaking of dairy products, I once drank an entire gallon of whole milk while standing on line in the supermarket, and no, I have only been institutionalized once, as far as I know. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading more Yeetle Wisdom.

Sincerely,

Eric "Generalissimo" Dubowsky

Eric,

I find your particular dislike of Ms. Carey refreshing and refreshening!

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

Took the "Yeetle Test" and scored an 8. Don't agree with your one-score-fits-all categorization. My work does actually generate a lot of negative and positive recognition, however, my income is definitely sporadic, puts me in the low to moderate income category.

Interesting questions. How many other folks have actually used a stone plow?

David

David,

Only a couple people that I know of have used a stone plow, besides myself. As far as the test, no test is perfect. I must correct you, however. It is actually a three-score-fits-all categorization. Nevertheless, will probably have a revamped version soon. Lots of changes planned, actually, but no time to do it quickly. Hope you come back. If you have ideas for the test (or any other aspect of the site for that matter), feel free to send your suggestions. In the meantime, have you considered the idea that most human behavior today can be fitted with a diagnosis?

Brian Padjen

The Yeetle Box

I believe that Robert Faulk and Dennis Leary should be added to the list of yeetle worthy people. Also for site of the week I nominate www.hyperreal.org. This is a site that is updated regularly and is more than interesting, with many cool links.

Sincerely,

Matt

Matt,

Thank you for your nominations. I checked out "hyperreal" and thought it was well designed and a wonderful page for people who like "rave" music. Unfortunately, I am looking for Sites that are a bit more "persistent", if you will. It is hard to imagine "rave" music played during the Middle Ages.

Also, thank you for your two nominations of Robert Faulk and Dennis Leary. I will add them to the nominations box as soon as possible. (It's been busy around here, what with all the "in-box" disruptions and what-not.

Brian Padjen

dear Brian..... i think you can ask Teliza our great light priestress...[at least mine...] why i should make the box..... i think she'll tell you all kind of interesting thing about me.....the Ritz in paris......that beautiful cat that i am baby-sitting for her for the last 14 years......and... well ..talk to her buddy.... she knows and i will humbly respect your decision.....replace any one of these great people on the list to find me a space  [freud needs to go.... too much therapy is never good].... any of them is fine except one.... DO NOT TOUCH>>>> EVER<<<<<<< Mr LEVINE.... he's my hero.

with love and in peace.

L

L,

I have consulted with Teliza, who knows ,and has known, and will know all. I have removed Freud. You have a point, but it really hurt Sig's feelings. However, that cocaine thing did get out of hand. I have moved Lenny Bruce into the gold and placed you, denoted simply as "L" ,into the yellow. This is sort of like being on standby. The difficulty we face is that you nominated yourself, which is kind of a Yeetle no-no. But as with all things, they can change, be changed, or were changed. (I do a lot of conjugating with this Yeetle Box thing I do.

To get to the gold, you gotta get at least one person, other than yourself, to nominate you. Preferably, this person has not been coerced by you, although your persistence is quite admirable.

Congratulations!!!

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

why i should be on that list?????? you know it ...........because i'm cute!!!!!!

You certainly are! A regular Michelin Baby, or Gerber Baby, perhaps. Personally, I believe that all babies look like Winston Churchill, and, apparently, you're no exception. Appreciate the photo. Wish more folks would send their photos. We could start a Yeetle family album.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

anne thank god you never married me because i'm DUMB! i don't understand your page.... the concept... the words... nothing!!!! what is wrong with me. ???? HELP. love. L

is it a good thing to make your list???? if it is make sure you add LAURENT... and MESA... and right under my name DE KOONING..... and TEDDY!!!

L,

Please settle down. Go back through and read the part about "safe" transport. And, yes, it is a good thing to make the list, but I don't know who Laurent or Mesa or De Kooning or Teddy are or what contributions they have made. Perhaps a short synopsis for each?

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

AVO'S!!!!!!

Hi Brian:

Thanks for the nomination. In my diligent diatribe, I failed to mention that Avocados replace vegetables due to the fact that most individuals unknowingly associate them as such. Being that they are indeed a fruit and contain more vitamins, fat, and fiber than twenty cases of iceberg lettuce, makes them the most nutritious fruit God ever created other than the Cherimoya. Not bad for a FRUIT! Imagine meeting the USRDA of protein, fat, complex carbohydrates and calories in one avocado. Viagra can't do that much!

Out on vacation for now,

Jay

Jay,

Thank you for the clarification. Of course, avocados make the golden boxes, moving vegetables down to the nominations boxes. I never knew so much about avocados as I do now. You know, it's not just the fruit itself, but the concept of the avocado makes it timeless. Have a great vacation!

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

AVOCADOS ROCK!!!!!!!!!

Brian:)

Greetings and welcomes from the token Jesus Freak:) Have not had much time to spend on the net these days, been on the road teaching new employees how to work for the DMV in California. Hanni sent me the link last month as it was going into development. I must say, great work. I like the Viagra Falls, what a hoot! The prophesy of the day thing is a bit out there, is it meant to be for real or is it a "way out of the box thing"? I suspect Hanni is the prophetess, only remember that the true test of a prophet is 100 % accuracy, no room for error or the gig is up. LOL

Anyhow, I didn't waste my precious time and yours on my opinions:), I just wanted to submit "Avocados" to be placed for nomination for "Things" category. Being as Avocados persist effortlessly for years before bearing fruit, (on average 7 years before producing a crop), I find that this fruit that is confused for a vegetable be granted "Yeetlehood" on a fast track nomination card! With it's ever mindful link to the counter culture popularity of the majority of countertop and carpet color's of the 70's what better honor could it be given. Who can ever forget the "Avocado Green" shag carpet, refrigerators, Formica and wallpaper of just a few decades ago? Can you name one other color in the hue of humanity that can even come close to having millions of consumers clamoring to have their kitchens, bathrooms, entry ways and swimming pools modeled after it? I dare say not. (The only one that can come close is the bright orange enamel of that same time). In viewing such worthiness, consider that the "Avocado" is also politically correct in it's nutritional and appearance values. Being that the "Avocado" is non-human and non-animal, it does not have to be slaughtered in order to benefit from the act of human mastication. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BOYCOTT, BAN. PROTEST or join the ACLU to eat one:) To top it off, you can even replace the skin used to make purses, wallets, shoes and trinkets due to the fact that it's "SKIN" is likened to the Alligator:) thus the nick name' "Alligator Pears"! With all this going for it, how can it not be at least considered for a spot in the "Box"? (Although, most avocados feel at home in a crate). Please reply if you have the time, I enjoy the interaction.

Great Care To Ya,

Jay,

Jay,  I would have never thought of avocados as a Yeetle Worthy thing, but your extensive analysis has convinced me that it truly is timeless. It meets the criteria, and, thus, goes directly into nominations. Again, to get into the golden box of Yeetle Worthy p/p/t/c, you must name what it replaces. Excellent nomination!

The Prophecy of the Week thing is out of my hands. It appears almost magically, seamlessly, with no fanfare or warning. Who's Hanni?

Brian Padjen

The Yeetle Box

Hello Brian,

I was out with Mitch the other night, he mentioned your page so I though I would check it out. An interesting page, thought provoking...

Perhaps some links to these "Yeetle" things would be nice for those out of "the box". That way aspiring Yeetle people could learn what's needed.

As for the candidates you have selected; Where is Kahlil Gibran? What of Benjamin Hoff? I won't even mention Krishnamurti, Donetello or Claude Monet! How could a page like this be considered complete without them and so many others??

A warm breeze deserves a place on your things page. I would also suggest the poem Desiderata.

Hope you are keeping well.

Mike

Mike, thanks for the look-see. Yes, links are in the works, but the maintenance of the site keeps me busy enough, what with running around through time and what not. I will add your suggestions to the nominations boxes; however, in no way do I consider the lists definitive: they are subject to debate, with me as referee. Personally, I hate Desiderata and consider it un-Worthy, so that poem doesn't stand a strawberry's chance in a cookie jar of getting in.  (Please do not take this personally.)

I am doing well enough. Thanks for hoping. I take you are doing well. Please stop in again.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

WOW..thats really deep....I don't know if i totally understand where your going with that one :). You have to understand I'm a really simple person..I really like the Yettle. I took the test and scored a 7-9 so I can't be that bad ***.

Amy, simple persons fill in well within the Yeetle Box--though this should not be confused with a simpleton. A score of 7 -9 indicates you are well on your way. By the way, have ever used a stone plough?

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

Well, you have added bells, whistles, the divine Teliza, and your column. The CIA kids page. How revolting. Never witnessed the birth of a web page b4. Interesting to check in and see what is new. I like reading all the mail. Some great links too.

Guess you ARE getting where you are going. But I suppose your prophet already told you that.

Julie, unfortunately, what you are witnessing is unstable activity around The Yeetle Box, emanating from dark forces within the box. This happens at critical times in history a la The Great Flood (Noah referred to it as an ark), the destruction of the dinosaurs (call it a comet if you will), and the sudden introduction of Beanie Babies (CIA?). The horror, the horror...

Thanks for returning. We need people like you to offset these dark forces. If a big guy in a black helmet tells you to "Come to the dark side," run right to your computer, and jump into the monitor. Trust me, it works.

BTW: If you have a column, or would like to suggest a topic for a column, please do send it on.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

Brian,

I found you from the Satire page. You're the top link there. Are you in some way connected? Did you write this page yourself?

The CIA kid's page is unreal. What to do about that? I don't know. It's a bummer.

I like it here a lot. I love Teliza. Her prophecy is hysterical and brilliant. Is that for real? Is/was that guy's name really Barf? Are you Teliza? I HOPE NOT. I like her too much. No offense. She's a she. I like she's. You have different addresses... fingers crossed.

And I know what the Cave of Flour is! (in response to someone else's mail) I was really impressed and shocked to see it there. It's a cave in the Aravah sp? desert. As if you don't know. Have you been there and to the other places on the list? You should have Yeetle Box hats or something.

JBix

Joel, thank you for your kind and astute words. We are not connected to SATIRE physically, if that's what you mean. We can't even shake hands. We're web sites. Occasionally, we wave to each other. This site is written and composed by myself and one other person at this time. Would welcome submissions of short essays...like the CIA Kid's Page commentary.

All of Teliza's predictions, to date, have come true--even to the most smallest of details. As for her gender, it is uncertain. She windows shops along temporal strip malls. Sometimes she is a man; sometimes she is a woman; sometimes she is a hermaphrodite. By all means write to her. She already knows your question anyway. She has been a bit shy about her identity in many aspects, but here is a hint: Uncross your fingers!

I have personally been to all places listed. I have personally met all persons listed.  I have personally used/experienced all things listed. I have personally enacted all concepts listed.

I have sent a message to the CIA and asked about the page. I have received no response that I know of. Hats you say? hmmmm....

Thanks again. Come back.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

Can I get an explanation for Pochohantas please?

Thanx
-Joe
aka Red Rage

Joe, when Pochohantas came to our attention, we couldn't help but feel she was "out of the box" to the extreme, marrying John Rolfe and all. She even rescued the man from his own father, Captain John Smith. Most important, we are convinced she assisted her husband in planting and curing tobacco, using, most assuredly, her position as the daughter of Powhatan--one of the more underachieving Indian Chiefs known to the planet. Her contributions during her lifetime were little of which to speak, but her contribution as a concept...that's Yeetle Worthy.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

Hi, Brian.  Just wanted to let you know I checked out your web site, and just touched the surface (I am at work), but bookmarked it for later. There is a lot there! I don't know if I should be more scared or impressed by your efforts. I called Steve and told him about it, and will print the main page for him. He pointed me to the CIA Kids' Page (and the pulsating garbage can) in particular.

I told a friend of mine about it, and he was quite amused by it, too. He also added it to favorites to check out in more depth later. He even took the Yeetle Worthiness test.  (I haven't taken it yet.)

You might want to know that some of your names are spelled wrong (but maybe you don't care).  Also, any thoughts of adding links to some of the persons/places/things/concepts you've deemed Yeetle Worthy? E.g., what the hell is the Cave of Flour?  Where is it?

OK, here's Steve's suggestions, in writing as you demanded:

Things: spoon, firecracker
Concepts: absolute zero
Persons: Bluto

-- Lisa

Lisa, be afraid. Be very afraid!!! The CIA Kid's Page is a true shocker. Seems the CIA is reaching out to recruit our children for covert operations. I have it from a good source that Barney is involved in some pretty covert stuff.

As far as the misspelled names, by all means send your corrections. Frankly, I do care about the spelling of their names. In fact, Liza, to mispel sumwuns nam iz a reel pet peve uv min. Besides, I spell check everything twice!!! I'm so embarrassed.

Want to insert links to at least some of the p/p/t/c...but seem to be too busy answering mail. There will be time....perhaps before or after the millennium, but no sooner.

Tell Steve he is gutless.  Then smack him upside the head. Then tell him that fortunately his nominations are indeed Yeetle Worthy. However, as you know, the Yeetle Worthy boxes are filled. In order to get a nomination in the Yeetle Box, we must first have a rationale for the nomination that justifies replacing someone/something, and who/what that someone/something is. Perhaps King Steve can visit the site himself instead of sending his emissaries.

Thanks for your comments.  Hope to hear from you again.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

Larry Logan of Satire Magazine sent me the address of your web site. It's been duly bookmarked.

Passed Yeetle test, even though I found it culturally biased. I mean, what about those of us astute enough to keep our incomes so low we don't need to take deductions on our taxes at all, much less pay taxes? Would have had a perfect score had it not been for that question.

Anyway, would like to swap links. My address is in my sig below.

B. S. Pyle
--
I am not afraid. They can kill us, but they can't eat us.
TO THE WOODS!!! --Gordon Baxter

The Yeetle Test is indeed culturally biased, but is temporally valid. A perfect score would have been interesting, but to achieve a 9 is extremely impressive since it means you have used a stone plow--something that makes me admire you tremendously.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

The YEETLE BOX is an important concept. I wish I had thought of it.

A nomination? Richard Brautigan certainly seems to fit. Send me a snail-mail address, and I will send you complimentary issue of SATIRE.

Larry Logan, Editor

If you haven't been to SATIRE, please do so.  It's a great site!

I would like to submit a yeetle concept, although I believe this to be unfair as I have an inside track to the "yeetle being".

Entry-----Possum on a gum bush

Please respond ASAP.

Mitch

Mitch, Possum on a Gum Bush is an excellent nomination. After consideration and research, we have decided to post it as a thing. We hope you have no objection to this. Thanks for your excellent submission.

Brian Padjen

The Yeetle Box

Interesting page. Not sure where you are going, but I hope you get there. Why does art and architecture get no mention? It would be a bleak millennium without some adornment.

Will check in again.

We liked the name and began using it before we know what it meant, only that it was the name of some beautiful projects by Russian De Stijl /Neo-Plasitcist artist El Lissitzky (spelling?). We did some research on the net and found that proun is an acronym, in Dutch, standing for something like "project for the affirmation of the new" Lissizky used it in relation to these projects and I think some course he was teaching in Holland I guess. We would love a good source on this as well as the correct phrase in Dutch with a good translation for our site. You are absolutely right - how can www.proun.com not have a definition of proun?

Please attach translator to further e-mail.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

I just visited the Yeedle page again and this time I had a friend with me. As I understand and have nearly been converted to a Yeedle devotee, she has many questions and has not yet embraced the yetteldum of it all..... She is greatly perplexed as to the meaning of the yeedle worthyness and true definition of the "Below the Lemon" Please enlighten me as well so I may do the same.

For the love of all that is Yeedele [sp] answer me quickly.

Thank you for your response. It appears you have been extremely busy. All is new and expanded. Becoming a truly funny site.

Spoke too soon. Everyone from FL Wright to The Guerilla Girls. Rich choices.

Who are you Brian? How on Earth do you know all of those people and places and things and so on.

I flunked the test. (or did I?)

Teliza is a scream. Kudos. You are a clever man.

I'd like to nominate laissez-faire for a concept.
Chichen Itza , place.

laissez-faire is a truly Yeetle Worthy concept. Chechen Itza will be further evaluated. Right now we have an uneven distribution among concepts and things. Thank you for your kinds words. (P.S. You can't really flunk the test if you are comfortable with the results.)

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

Ahoy, Yeetle Boxlings! I have a simple question for you scholars: What is your whole take on the coming millennium and Biblical endtime prophecy, as foretold in the book of Revelations? Please, I'd love to know your take on this one!
-Lieutenant Guilo

Lieutenant, the "millennium" is based purely on a Christian belief. As you know, most of the world is not Christian. I asked my friend Tu Big Fu about this, and he said the year 2000 has come and gone a long time ago. If the year 2000, Christian time, is truly the end of the world, why would so many people book their New Year's Eve parties so far in advance? Why would so many people worry about the great computer crash? The prophecy might or might not be correct; the timing is questionable. In essence, millennium schmillenium.

Brian Padjen
The Yeetle Box

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