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Man Accused of Lobbing Urine Into Yards

By Associated Press

December 27, 2005, 5:54 PM EST

CLIVE, Iowa -- A Nebraska man has been arrested in central Iowa for allegedly delivering some unwanted Christmas gifts. Reno Tobler, 54, was arrested Thursday in Clive after police caught him lobbing urine bottles into backyards.

"We've got a Grinch that has been lobbing urine," said Clive Police Chief Robert Cox. "Since this fall, we've had eight to 10 incidents reported where people have found containers full of urine thrown into their backyards."

Tobler is a truck driver whose route regularly takes him to the Clive area. He was charged with littering and harassment for allegedly tossing detergent-sized bottles of his urine over fences.

Tobler told police that it was a longtime hobby of his to deliver the bottles. Police searched his vehicle and found several other urine-filled bottles ready for delivery.

Tobler was taken to the Polk County Jail and was released on a $500 bond.

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Information from: The Des Moines Register, http://www.desmoinesregister.com

Copyright 2005 Newsday Inc.
 

Our take? Lobbing bottled urine is a God-given right of every patriotic American. Who is this "Police Chief" Cox to deprive any red, white, and blue citizen of this right? The United States Constitution - established in 1789 exists is the oldest written national constitution currently in effect. It adapts to our changing society through the addition of amendments. The First Amendment protects many of the freedoms that we exercise on a daily basis, such as freedom of speech, freedom of the press, the right to freely practice religion, and the right to peacefully assemble. Compatriot Tobler's actions are protected under our Bill of Rights and The Patriot Act.
 

Freedom of speech? Had Mr. Cox done his homework, he would have known that Mr. Tobler was not just randomly lobbing urine around the countryside. No! His actions constituted a protest against the failed policies in Iraq. When not driving a truck and urinating into bottles, Mr. Tobler operates a small press journal: The Freedom Journal. In it he clearly explains the urine represents the failed efforts to locate weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. The lobbing of the bottled urine represents our unjustified attack on Iraq. In The Freedom Journal, Mr. Tobler writes, "I must express my convictions in the most meaningful way I know how. As a truck driver, lobbing urine brings the point home in a memorable way and puts me on par with President George W. Bush and his illegal actions. Everyone will know I'm plain pissed off!"

Thus, Mr. Tobler is protected by the Constitutional provision for freedom of the press. Further, lobbing urine is an old Christian tradition. Yes, that's right: a CHRISTIAN tradition. Since the establishment of the Roman Catholic church, urine lobbing was a means of baptizing others in the absence of water. Any idiot can see that urine lobbing is a religious exercise Mr. Tobler practices faithfully. An exercise that cannot be taken away by faulty intelligence and rogue cops.   Peaceful assembly? Upon inspection, it is this reporter's observation that none of the bottles were broken, but resting peacefully in groups of three or four.   So, Mr. Cox, rather than harass a man who is living within his rights and effectively honoring his God, why don't you just drop the charges, pick up a bottle, and join Mr. Tobler in his efforts. You will be a better American because of it. Or do you choose to aid the terrorists by suppressing democracy at home, thus giving the insurgency in Iraq and the still gathering Taliban, not to mention the gathering threat in Iran, North Korea, the former Soviet Union, Asia, Africa, and each nation represented in the European Union?

A grinch, Mr. Cox? No, sir: a patriot.

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