In a bizarre hunting accident, Dick Cheney, Vice President of the United States of America, staunch NRA supporter, and major operative in the war against terrorism, mistook friend, Harry Whittington, for a quail, and shot Mr. Whittington in the face with a shotgun. By this single act, Mr. Cheney, who shot a man in the face, eclipsed Dan Quayle as the dumbest Vice President in the history of the United States, and immediately wrested from Dan Quayle the Dumb Hunter's Monthly's coveted "Maybe This Makes It All Worthwhile" award. Most important, Mr. Cheney, who shot a man in the face, secured his legacy as a no-nonsense, tough on terrorism, shoot 'em in the face kinda guy. He is the only Vice President to mistake a friend for a quail and shoot him in the face. While Aaron Burr was the first and, until recently, the only Vice President in our country's history to brandish a firearm, Mr. Cheney holds the distinction of brandishing a firearm at wing-clipped small fowl - and shooting a man in the face.

Many have expressed outrage at the tardiness of reporting the incident to the press. Scott McClellan, Whitehouse Press Secretary, argued repeatedly that the reporting was timely as it took hours to ensure Mr. Whittington received proper medical treatment for his buckshot face before announcing to the world that Mr. Cheney, who shot the man in the face, was responsible for the pock marks Mr. Whittington received. Additionally, time was needed to coordinate an official public statement with Karl Rove - who was busy cleaning his Ought 36 and order his staff not to disturb him "for any reason at all. I don't care if Dick [Cheney] shoots somebody; I can't be bothered!"

Artist rendition of Vice President Dick Cheney,

who shot a man in the face, shooting a man in the face.