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Washington, D. C.

11:59 P.M. EDT

Today, within minutes before the turn of the millennium, all festivities along Pennsylvania Avenue ceased abruptly when Jim Barksdale, CEO for Netscape and Bill Gates, CEO for Microsoft escalated the now infamous browser wars to a new level of hostility, effectively ending the war. According to insiders from both camps, the two men had been meeting over the last 24 hours over the exclusive rights to post apocalyptic trademark and property rights for their respective Internet browsers.

Witnesses outside the Whitehouse reported the two men, dressed in 19th Century cowboy garb, stood back to back, took ten paces, and turned. Their hands twitched above their holsters. Reportedly, Mr. Barksdale, wielding a bowie knife, waved the blade in the air and sneered at Mr. Gates, "Gates! First I'm gonna cut ya; then I'm gonna paste ya." Allegedly, Mr. Gates spit tobacco in the direction of Mr. Barksdale and retorted, "Ain't nothin' ya can do, Barksdale! "Consider yerself dragged and dropped!"

As the gathering crowd fled for cover, both men fired their weapons--reportedly MS GUN ver. 2.3 equipped with MS BULLET ver. 2.1. Both men were pronounced dead at the scene. One bystander was overheard to shout, "UNDO! UNDO!"

Spokespersons for both Netscape and Microsoft were unavailable for comment.

Scott McNealy, CEO for Sun Microsystems, Inc. released the following statement:

The President and the first family were unavailable for comment, according to Otto R. Sponder.

In a related story, Microsoft spokespersons stated the company would delay their release of Microsoft's most recent version of Windows-- Windows 2000: The Second Coming. Likewise, Netscape spokespersons stated they had halted all scheduled shipments of the most recent release of their Internet browser-- Netscape Communion.

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