I am a backgammon fanatic. I love the game. I love the
intricate relationship between skill and luck. I love how skill and luck
intertwine, creating a metaphor for life itself. After all, even Forrest
Gump
understood that not only was life like a box of chocolates, but that we all
have a destiny. At the same time, we are all floating "accidental-like' on a
breeze. This interplay of luck and destiny - free will and
pre-determination
makes for a wonderful game.But that could change.
You see, it seems there's a new rule in the game of backgammon. Not so much an official rule, but an unofficial rule gaining in popularity that goes something like this:
When your opponent perceives himself as a superior to you in skill; and
When your opponent believes the game is won and lost by skill alone; and
When your opponent accepts a loss only as a consequence of your luck,
You must perform fellatio upon him.
Sounds extreme. Indeed, it is.
I have noticed this rule invoked mostly at the time when my opponent loses after fully expecting to win. Thus, another element of this new rule:
To whit, at any time a player perceives he will lose the game or match, that player may invoke the "fellatio rule" by declaring, "Blow me!"
Upon declaring the "fellatio rule," the player's opponent must (as I understand it), either concede the game or perform the fellatial act upon his opponent.
I believe this rule will dampen my enthusiasm for the game.
You might say, "Well, YeetleMaster, rules are rules."
True. But this rule changes the dynamic of the game and should be challenged. To whom? I don't know.
The thought of it gives me a headache - over and over.
This rule springs from the democratic personality we have cultivated in the United States. We have lost our ability to perform with "grace under pressure," as Hemingway put it. I think Hemingway would be a great resource for evaluating this new rule. But I digress.
The democratic personality asserts equality in the face of all real and perceived deviations from equality. In this case, since the end result of backgammon will always produce a winner and a loser, the democratic personality challenges their own loss, even if it means their opponent should perform a rather degrading act. In this way, perceived equality remains in tact - for that ONE individual.
And this is why the democratic personality always plants the seeds of chaos.
Well, now that I have stated my case, perhaps we can go about the game of backgammon with a little more politesse. I realize we must play these games by the rules. However, this particular rule must be used sparingly. The less invoked the better lest we forsake the integrity of the game - and my good reputation .
Before we embrace the "fellatio rule," I believe we should pilot the rule among a select group of people - ideally those who already play by this new rule in various forums throughout Nevada or Amsterdam.
In the meantime, I don't believe I will follow this new rule.
Call me a purist.
