MANAGING FOR THE FUTURE

 

Since the enactment of the Americans With Disabilities Act of 1990, employers continue to wrestle over what constitutes "reasonable accommodation." Few have argued against the inclusion of ramps or the widening of doorways to provide greater access to those employees who require wheelchairs. Few have argued against the idea that a person with a disability must be treated with equal consideration for employment. These matters have been relatively straightforward.

What concerns many employers is that by 2010, most employees and most potential employees will carry a diagnosis of some kind, thereby broadening the scope of the ADA and, concurrently, the scope of reasonable accommodations. This will increase every employer's risk of the perception of discriminatory practices, and, thus, litigation.

The combination of an entitlement rich society (75% of all Americans are eligible for preferential treatment under existing Affirmative Action laws) and generations of citizens walking hand-in-hand with the psychiatric industry (1 out of every 3 American citizens receives, or will receive, mental health treatment of some kind; each of these will be assigned a diagnosis of some kind) will increase the number of persons and the variety of disabilities covered under the ADA.

Without the vision and foresight to anticipate this trend, legal costs and consultant fees will rise just to ensure the employer's proper implementation of the provisions of the act. Accommodation is expensive!

So, as a friend to enterprise, and a strong advocate for persons with disabilities, I offer here a list of future disabilities and relatively cheap accommodations which should meet the ADA standards while not placing any reasonably run business in financial or legal jeopardy and make for a rich and diverse workplace.

Disability
 Reasonable Accommodation
  • Politically Aspiring CEO Syndrome (PACEOS)
  • A hug.
  • Ditto Head Syndrome (DHS)
  • Provide a Rush Limbaugh desk calendar when talking to him/her, wink knowingly.
  • Annoying Personal Habits Disorder (APHD)
  • Place employee in large office, accessible only through a long series of tunnels and mazes; weekly group hugs.
  • Amotivational Disorder (AM)
  • A hug and an hourly pat on the back.
  • Hygienically Challenged (HC)
  • Position fans to blow away from other employees.
  • Chronic Flirtitis Syndrome (CFC)
  • Provide employee with a inflatable doll equipped with a string that when pulled says, "Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes."
  • Beauracraticus Insistus Syndrome (BIS)
  • Assign them a new rule or policy to write everyday.
  • Halitosis (H)
  • Supply all other employees with filter masks.
  • Omniscient Knowledge Disorder (OKD)
  • Train all other employees to nod their heads when speaking to him/her; provide a tape that when played says, "I am not worthy."
  • Elective Deafism (ED)
  • Shout! Then cross your fingers.
  • Intermittent Latitudinal Transfer Disorder (ILTD)
  • Reorganize workplace every 3 months.
  • Misunderstood Genius Syndrome (MGS)
  • Place dry ice in coffee.
  • Inferior Education Syndrome (IES)
  • Create a facsimile of a Rhodes Scholarship and place in prominent locations throughout the workplace.
  • Spotty Work History Disorder (SWHD)
  • Guaranteed lifetime employment.

 

Managing for the future is a matter of managing diversity. The employees of the future will come equipped not only with their college transcripts and resumes, but with a physician's note as well. As the employer, it is your job to ensure a safe, comfortable, and personally rewarding work environment for all employees. Let's not squander this great opportunity.

Keep America productive!

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